Advice on dealing with seperation?

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So, I'm getting seperated from the Navy. I finished A-school, so I was rated, but I never made it through C-school, and obviously never made it to the fleet. I was supposed to be an ITS, and I genuinely loved what I was going to do. My discharge isn't bad, General under Honorable, but I'm getting seperated for a pretty stupid reason; I was having panic issues and whatnot, since people in the barracks can't seem to be adults for two seconds, (yelling, screaming, slamming doors ect.) And I didn't want to go to medical, in fear of being sub-disqualed. So, I decided to self-medicate instead. I didn't trust anyone to buy any kind of alcahol for me (1.) I'm a female, and most guys are going to have ulterior motives, and 2.) I didn't want to involve anyone else, in case I got caught) So I started doing whippets. (If you don't know what that is, it's huffing electronics duster to get high. Embarrassing and stupid, I know) It was obtainable by someone under 21, helped calm me down when I got overstressed, and wouldn't show up on a drug test. I felt in the clear, at least, as much as I could have been. I had no roommate at this time, so that wasn't an issue... until it was. She got there, and I guess she didn't like me much- (and I genuinely could not tell you why, I wasn't overly friendly, but I wasn't cold, and I even bought her food) and after two weeks reported me for using. I also have no idea how she knew this, as I never did anything around her, and it's not like I didn't have real electronics to clean- I was an IT, after all. I don't mean for any of this to be any sort of excuse or pity-party, just some backstory on the how and the why this is happening. Anyways. When I was called down to legal and questioned, I told the truth. Sounds stupid, sure, but I'm a bad liar, and besides, I'm of the belief a lie can only hurt you in the long run. I went through CSCB, XOI, and Mast. Reduction in rank, half months x2, but no restriction. I tried to fight my seperation. I went to rehab, even though I wasn't ordered, and I didn't have an addiction. I figured it'd at least look nice on paper. I wrote appeal after appeal, and for a while it looked like I might have a chance. After all, this was my first, and only, offense, I had never caused problems before, I had a near perfect record of showing up to muster and watch, (not super impressive, I know, but more than some students ever did) and always came up clean. I was always sober for school or duty (not that whippets would have lasted long enough anyways, but you get the idea) and my command fought for months to try and keep me. Ultimately though, it was in vain, and I'm now seperated. I leave tomorrow. I don't know how to deal with the shame. It's my fault, no denying, but I'm still deeply ashamed and disappointed in myself. I feel lost, and I feel purposeless. I feel like I've let everyone down- my instructors, my chiefs, my command, the Navy, the military, the country as a whole. I feel like a failure, and I'm embarrassed I let myself sink so low. I genuinely love the military. As annoying as midwatch can be, as much as I hate muster, as sucky as duty days are, I absolutely loved it, and put a lot of pride in serving. That's gone now. I don't have the right to call myself a veteran, despite the "Well, technically-" everyone keeps giving me, and I feel awful for more or less leeching taxpayer money just to end up getting kicked out. I felt so bad, I had to spend a little time in silly jail, and if I'm being honest, I still don't quite feel life is worth living. I'm an embarrassment. I am a failure. I don't know how to deal with that. Has anyone else gone through something similar? If so, how do you cope? How do you feel better? How do you keep going?

TLDR Sailor is stupid, does whippets, gets snitched on, tells the truth, goes to mast, gets seperated, feels a butload of shame, guilt, and embarrassment, and doesn't know how to cope + wants advice.

submitted by /u/Justadoott
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