A couple nights before the wedding, she and her bridesmaids are sipping wine, enjoying themselves, when one of them asks her, “So Mary, why are you marrying a guy 40 years older than you?”
Mary said, “Well, he makes me happy, what else do you want me to say?”
Her other bridesmaid says, “Well, I heard that he suffered a terrible accident a few years ago in which his dick got lopped off, how can he satisfy you sexually?”
Mary said, “Oh, he got that taken care of! There was another young man involved in the accident who passed away, but he had a whopping penis, so the doctors were able to remove that and reattach it to Jim, so he has a penis now.”
The third bridesmaid asks her, “But how does that work? I mean, wouldn’t it be really hard for him to get erect, plus the old age?”
Mary said, “Well, that does happen sometimes. But his doctor prescribed him some Viagra, you know, the blue pills, so every now and then, if he needs a little boost, he takes one of those and it’s all good again! You’d never think he’s a 65 year old man who lost his penis in a terrifying accident down at the ol’ haberdashery.”
The fourth bridesmaid said, “Mary, I don’t know. I mean, I’m happy for you, but there are just too many red flags for me to sit here and pretend like this is going to be a happy marriage! Shouldn’t you maybe reconsider and look for a guy your own age?”
Mary looked at her, threw her wine in her face, and slapped her across the cheek, saying, “You will not speak to me that way! I know this marriage the one for me. He’s my something old, and my something new. He has his something borrowed, and he takes something blue!”
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Mary said, “Well, he makes me happy, what else do you want me to say?”
Her other bridesmaid says, “Well, I heard that he suffered a terrible accident a few years ago in which his dick got lopped off, how can he satisfy you sexually?”
Mary said, “Oh, he got that taken care of! There was another young man involved in the accident who passed away, but he had a whopping penis, so the doctors were able to remove that and reattach it to Jim, so he has a penis now.”
The third bridesmaid asks her, “But how does that work? I mean, wouldn’t it be really hard for him to get erect, plus the old age?”
Mary said, “Well, that does happen sometimes. But his doctor prescribed him some Viagra, you know, the blue pills, so every now and then, if he needs a little boost, he takes one of those and it’s all good again! You’d never think he’s a 65 year old man who lost his penis in a terrifying accident down at the ol’ haberdashery.”
The fourth bridesmaid said, “Mary, I don’t know. I mean, I’m happy for you, but there are just too many red flags for me to sit here and pretend like this is going to be a happy marriage! Shouldn’t you maybe reconsider and look for a guy your own age?”
Mary looked at her, threw her wine in her face, and slapped her across the cheek, saying, “You will not speak to me that way! I know this marriage the one for me. He’s my something old, and my something new. He has his something borrowed, and he takes something blue!”
submitted by /u/osmoticmonk
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Continue reading...
